I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
