my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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