I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
