in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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