Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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