I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
