My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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Do I have a choice?
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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