I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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