I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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