I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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