he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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