he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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