he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
