Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
