just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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