I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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