do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
