it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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