I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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