Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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