Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
