My room smells like vodka and shame
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
