He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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