The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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