just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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