It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
