The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This house was built for laser tag.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
