Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
