i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
