The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
