thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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