"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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