i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
