and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
