I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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