but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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