Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
