the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
