He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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