so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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