Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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