I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
