AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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