I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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