he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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