...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
