Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
