the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
