he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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