i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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