im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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